Today we are joined by Landis Bejar, LMHC - a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in New York City and the founder of AisleTalk: Consultation & Therapy. AisleTalk is a therapy and coaching practice devoted to working with brides and grooms who are experiencing stress during the process of planning their wedding – a moment in time that, from the outside can seem fabulous and euphoric, but on the inside can often bring up concerns related to partnership, stress management, mood changes, body image, family strain, and much more. Landis helps her clients deal with stress so that the planning does not take the excitement out of the process, nor the joy from the wedding day.
Landis shares her insights on how to quarantine in a small space with a partner, and how to handle asking for space.
We are constantly adjusting to new things. Cut yourself some slack if you are having emotional reactions. It’s strenuous and hard to constantly shift. You perhaps are seeing your partner in a more anxious place than ever before. There is a lot of “figuring out as you go” needing to happen.
Boundaries are important. Things like monitoring how much news is being watched, and keeping a schedule can really help. If you know what you need, ask your partner for it. This is a time to learn to ask for help, and give it more freely.
Distancing/making space for yourself in this situation can be very hard. A lot of couples are stuck in small apartments. Humor is helpful! Nothing about this is normal or expected. It’s not normal to spend this much time with anyone. Remember that we spend alone time, usually, so many hours of the day. If you need to initiate it, it is not personal, it’s just asking for what you need.
Be physical, get your exercise even if it’s inside. Connect with love ones! The virtual connections can be hard, but it feels great when you actually do it. It is stressful to think about having to change plans. But it is such a relief as soon as your reschedule. The pressure is off.
Lean into your wedding planner here. They are there to make the whole event go smoothly for you. Everything is unpredictable but they can help so much. Just keep going! The goal right now is making it to the other side.
If you are looking for a therapist, give yourself time to adjust to them. Bring questions to them. Most therapists give a 15 min consult for free to see if you are a match.
“We are feeling so much. And on top of that we have these secondary emotions about how we should be feeling.” - Landis
“Yes we can offer certain things that have been helpful to us but at the end of the day, the best way we will find is asking the question ‘How can I support you right now?’” - Landis
“Communicate with your body the difference between sleep mode to work mode.” - Landis “Humans do not like ambiguity in general.” - Landis
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